iphone love

Why I Love My iPhone, Part 1: The iPhone Diet

This little, free, app has changed my life. Seriously, I may be obsessed with it. It is a calorie counter, but you simply search for whatever foods you are eating and it does all the work. And if it's not in there, it's easy enough to use the iPhone to search the web for the calories and add a custom food to the database. Exercise, too.

You add a profile, with your weight, age, goals and it tells you how many calories you needs each day. A log shows where you are, and if you are under or over calories for the day. Simple, right? I've lost about 5 pounds using this since March 19th. This is what I've learned/changed: 

+ I can eat pretty much anything I want and stay on point with calories. I just adjust the portion sizes. It's almost comical the way I measure things now, instead of just dumping the food in:

Fruit and yogurt for breakfast, in my trusty 1-cup bowl. 

+ Fast food is mostly horrible. And since we are on the road so much, it's hard to avoid. So I have to be diligent in making choices. Fortunately, most restaurants publish the nutrition information online. My frequents all have .pdfs with the information (linked here, and bookmarked on my iPhone!): Subway, McDonalds, Long John Silvers, Dennys, Wendys. I think I'm boycotting IHOP because I can't find one on their website...

+ Small changes can really add up. My morning coffee routine used to take almost 350 calories and now takes under 80. Seriously - look at the screenshots:

  

And that's a half-and-half day, I used to use heavy whipping cream sometimes too!

+ If you exercise, you can eat more for free. Plus, I actually do feel better after I exercise. Sweaty, but better. I like using dvds because then I can exercise by myself at home whenever I feel like it. I have the first two tapes already and they are pretty good, and I just ordered the others for variety: 

discovery

the apron is finished. next time i attempt an apron, i won't pick one unneedlessly complicated. gathers and lining? this should be a nightgown! and next time, i'll pick a domestic print like little rosebuds or something...

:: swap-bot. for photography swaps. i really like sharing mine.

:: sewing. my apron is finished. now my weekender can be justified. hopefully, it looks as good as this.

:: a photo a day? 5 at a time sounds more manageable. can i? should i? does that mean 29 now to catch up?

:: bloglines! i can check all hundred blogs i read for new posts in seconds!

:: it's possible to get my ipod songs back onto the computer (i deleted them because i didn't have enough hard drive space...)

whats in a name?

i did this quiz (thanks rosa) to find out what my name meant... wow - it's pretty true (can i say that without sounding conceited? ok, minus all the inflated compliments...) especially the last paragraph:

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

try it: What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

the winter blur is over

and today i can sleep. ok - winter's not really over, but it is 70s and sunny here in texas so it feels like it is.

christmas was fun: seeing old friends, spending time with both of our families, putting together a million lego star wars sets, playing in the snow, and my long-awaited present to myself - a holga.

i always end up having to do most of the building. we were rockstar parents via ebay this year - spent way too much money and bought many of the retired lego sets they wanted...


i spent time in louisiana, massachusetts, and texas this holiday and none of them really feel like home anymore. i think out of all, gloucester felt most home, which surprised me. i miss it so. the beauty and simpleness and seasons. but the gray sky all day and the dark coming at 5 pm really got me depressed last year. i felt so isolated... but that's more me and less the state i've realized.

this is as sunny as it ever gets:


and so my real resolution for this year is for life not to feel so temporary. i've felt like i'm waiting for so long now, but this is it! i want it to feel real.

and i can't resist posting this: he almost broke his leg sledding

up at 7 am

how did that happen?

some randomness: the weekend's here again, been loving youtube--since we have no tv--mostly watch family guy, american idol and colbert report clips. but when i rented the whole family guy it really sucked. jack had good news at work, maybe very good. snow is so pretty today, not dirty like last weekend. i like the scrape of the snow plows in the streets. ever seen snow bigger than an suv?




you have now. from last weekend. when i found out that the earth will be destroyed by an asteroid in 30 years unless the u.n. stops it, ?. we might be psychic. my sister is about to publish her very first book. for once in my life i'm not tired. the princess bride, how i love that movie. i think i need to get out today. there are no guarantees.

people are strange

remember those doors lyrics, people are strange when you're a stranger? love that song.

but if you ask me: people are stranger once you really know them. much stranger.

or maybe it is just my people?

everything

i feel overwhelmed. not by anything in particular, just sort of sick of everything. I don't know how to fix it. I'm at the turning point, I know it could get better, could just be a funk, but could also downwardly spiral into a pms type of week. (minus the pms, thank god.) a good book would help, but the one i picked up at the airportturned out to be so, so bad. almost getting there, so close to being emotional and riveting, but never actually doing anything. and trying much too hard with the sex stuff.

post traumatic stress

he called, but i couldn’t hear him very well. little voices overwhelming from the background. i wonder what life is going to be like. i am scared. i feel like i can barely go along with life. i’m so used to being SAFE, even though I moved out of safe over a year ago. why am i stressing now when before I was ok?

i went to my apartment the other day to assess the situation and get a few pictures. it felt like visiting someone after you haven’t seen them in forever. someone very familiar but changed so that that comfortable knowing is now slightly awkward. an exboyfriend maybe.

it was scary. not the feeling, i still love that apartment so much, it’s still a safehaven for my beloved stuff. most of which i will throw away instead of move. i haven't used it in over six months. even the few times i went to pick up things, i was at a loss as to exactly what i thought i needed. it needs to be thrown away. But the neighbors, the house, the street. all that was scary.

yesterday, i felt like i should drive the two hours to stay with my mom, but just really felt like alone time. i went to the groceries at walgreens to avoid a crowd and long drive, then home. as i was walking up the steps to the building, i felt at peace. i couldn’t wait to walk into our little apartment and lock the door behind me. this is my safehaven, i actually thought in my head. funny i used the word safehaven again tonight.

i took a questionairre at work, it says i have post-traumatic stress disorder. at least now i can blame the hurricane for being fucked in the head.

another year?

This was the first year that I didn’t spend Christmas Day with my parents. We stayed in bed, went to Rite Aid for beer and a plunger (why does the toilet stop working on Christmas Eve of all days?), and ate Mexican enchilada frozen dinners. I did miss having presents. I had said so many times that I don’t care about presents, and not to worry about getting my anything. And I don’t care about getting something to show off. But I decided that I do care that he goes out and gets something, anything, and wrap it for me. Think I can revise it for next year? It’s depressing not to have even one present to open. It’s nice to know someone thought of you.

I took a week’s vacation and we went and bought some furniture, made some art, now it looks like a real apartment. It feels like home. I love, love, love the apartment. I will miss it if we move to Austin. It feels like my first home. 

For New Years, I stayed in bed again. Sick, watching 24. I have weird dreams from 24. I start to think people are following me. Conspiracy everywhere. 

I hosted the friend’s Christmas party this year all by myself. It was a nice one. No getting too drunk, no late night martinis. Everyone loving the apartment and me finally getting Martha Stewart with the food preparation. I was pretty proud of myself. Buying wine, setting everything up, giving all the directions out, and still being ready early. The toilet didn’t work the night before, and I even taught myself how to use the plunger. I know it’s little things.

changes

My birthday was the start of a whole new life. A new time for feeling alive, for endless possibilities, for fulfilling potential.

I couldn't get rid of the feeling that everything was going to be perfect. And almost a month later, everything is. Perfect in the sense that now so, this is life fills me with satisfaction, hope, and excitement instead of the previous overwhelming feeling of disappointment, dread, and being completely lost. Maybe it's taking action, maybe it's having a new perspective, maybe it is Neptune after all... most likely it's the combination of all those things.

I've accepted that rectifying mistakes is an accomplishment in it's own right. Something difficult and something to feel proud of. I've always promised myself that I would never live with regret, and it's something I've been struggling with. I knew if I didn't change the way things were, I would be choosing a life of regret.

People might not understand the sudden changes and that's ok. It's the start of something new, but to me it's not sudden at all. It's finally being true. It's the ending of a path—not a wrong path because it's contributed greatly to who I am today and at the time I started it was right—and the beginning of another path. I've been going in circles and taking baby steps for a while trying to figure things out, instead of just taking the one big step aside.

I'm learning so much about myself, I've learned so much about myself in the last year and I like the person I am, the person I am becoming. Change is scary, but essential. Fear is no longer going to help decide my future, or my present.