style resolution

i discovered at the start of winter that my closet was filled with nondescript black sweaters and jeans. i've since been keeping my eyes open for clothes that bring me pleasure, as well as people with style that i like. a lot of this research has been done in the airport, watching ever so many people flock by with the occasional girl that just looks right. this style seems to be a mixture of simplicity with just a hint of something else. it's girly--i should say feminine, a little retro or old-fashioned, and pretty without being lolita.

i spent one sleepless night reading the whole hel looks site and there were a few girls with styles i liked (enough to bookmark): netta, milena, and milla. beside all being way younger than i am, these girls are all wearing pretty dresses, skirts, and tights. i also spent a while pouring over this blog. i love her pretty clothes (and i covet her paintings and dolls), and also how excited she is over them. too bad this revelation's coming at a very, very, very broke time in life. but one good thing, i also really miss browsing through thrift stores, and you don't really need much money for that...

engaged

i know, i've already not been doing this every day. truth is, i started a few times, but just didn't like where it was going. plus, i really needed a bigger canvas than 4x6. so, today, i dumped out all of the picture pieces i've been collecting and just started randomly gluing until i thought it was done. gluing onto a leftover gift box from a christmas present, i might add. after, i cut it down until it fit in the scanner, and, viola, today's collage. how fun, nothing at all to lose. the rest of the scraps i'd been saving went into the garbage, i'll start completely fresh tomorrow. oh, except for this ad, that i liked too much to cut and glue. something about it speaks to me. yeah, i know it's a car ad, but i sorta want to frame it. i kinda love it. the left side of it anyway.

(the mf'ing scanner decided not to work, so i'll scan the ad later...)



i've been doing what i usually would call nothing, but today i'll call it collecting inspiration. doesn't that sound nicer than doing nothing? see, i've got lots of time, and nothing to do with my life. so, i'm going to try to do some things that i've always wanted to do. nothing world changing, just a little something to help me feel happier. i've been surfing the net, reading about highly talented and creative people. i'll try to share some of my collection here in the next few days.

ok, here's my things i want to do list:

• wear more dresses
• make a doll
• get a bulletin board
• make a purse
• make a quilt
• cook dinner and dessert once a month
• frame my pictures

also, here's some things i'm loving right now:

• eggs in a toast, the one thing i can cook
• my boyfriend, mr. best in the world
• the idea that i could do something that i always wanted too (learn how to sew, make dolls, wear whatever i want, etc.)
• my awesome teacup
• too much watching 24 and sopranos, seems like a new years tradition now
• my christmas decorations, i don't think they're coming down anytime soon

pirates

it's been hard adjusting to the boys not being here. i'm still tripping over pirate ships that i can't really bear to pick up. i turned off the christmas music for good. this isn't even like having to take yourself to work after a glorious vacation, it's more like having nothing at all to do after being busy for two weeks, but not in a good way. how do i explain? like for two weeks i was needed, belonged, had something worthy to do, and now i could not get out of bed again for all day and it wouldn't matter a bit. how depressing is that?

the apartment is absolutely trashed still, but i've started to clean. started in the way that probably only i do, stepping over the dirty clothes and dishes and toys to the corner to organize the dvd cabinet. i've also unpacked a box of books that had been holed up since we moved in over the summer. it's a start right?

how i know i'm not normal

i went along to the airport yesterday, waking up at 4 in the morning. i don't go into boston enough and hardly ever alone, so i like to take these days he brings the kids across the country and then flies right back, these all day in the air days to go over to harvard square or something and wander around. yesterday i was going to go to the mfa. i've been wanting to go for, like, six months.

instead, i took a nap in the car until my toes were too cold to move, winter sucks (and they were right, december is the beginning and not the end like i thought), then went to the airport borders, then sat around all day smoking and reading and drinking coffee and just generally trying not to have anyone sit next to me and my neck hurting from the airport chairs. you know, i could have hopped onto the subway and went anywhere. i could have done anything. i had the whole day to myself (literally, he arrived back after 9 pm.), but i was perfectly content to sit alone in the airport.

i've done this quite a few times now, sitting and watching and listening and drinking and reading. i think this means i am not normal. or maybe that i am lazy. or depressed. i'm not sure, only that this is me.

so, i read perfume. i normally hate murder books, but i coundn't put it down. i'm not giving anything away, it's right in the title: story of a murderer. i liked the style a lot. and i even liked the dude, although he was one weird dude. i also started on lolita. so far, i don't like the author's style at all.

domestic goddess

(collage elements from allure, october 2006)

these pieces i pulled about two weeks ago but didn't have time to glue down. i had done an arrangement that i liked then, but couldn't recreate it this time. i'm not altogether satisfied with this one, i've learned that this is something best done in one sitting. the others i can look at and think that they captured a very specific moment, but i think by the time i got around to completing this, this morning, i had already lost that moment.

i love journals for this reason, i can re-read and entry and even though it is no longer true, i can recall the essense of it completely. photographs are different. i think it is very hard for a photograph to truly capture the essense of a moment. for me, the photograph replaces the memory instead.