it's been hard adjusting to the boys not being here. i'm still tripping over pirate ships that i can't really bear to pick up. i turned off the christmas music for good. this isn't even like having to take yourself to work after a glorious vacation, it's more like having nothing at all to do after being busy for two weeks, but not in a good way. how do i explain? like for two weeks i was needed, belonged, had something worthy to do, and now i could not get out of bed again for all day and it wouldn't matter a bit. how depressing is that?

the apartment is absolutely trashed still, but i've started to clean. started in the way that probably only i do, stepping over the dirty clothes and dishes and toys to the corner to organize the dvd cabinet. i've also unpacked a box of books that had been holed up since we moved in over the summer. it's a start right?

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